having a hard time

been having a really hard time accepting where I’m at. I know that thematically I need to forgive myself and accept where I’m at but my ego is just gripping me.

I’ve noticed a lot of anger - anger at being on psych meds, anger at myself and others (with dark themes i don’t like or approve of such as misogyny).

I don’t know how I’m gonna make it. My ego tells me I don’t want to make it. I don’t feel right on these drugs. And my ego just wants me to throw them away as they feel like imprisonment.

I’m crying cause I feel like no matter what I do with this course, everything feels the same. Almost 160 lessons in and I’m ready to throw the towel in on life. Like I see a fall from my balcony as my salvation.

Were any of you through this hell? Did it actually get better? I don’t blame the course at all, as all of this was preexisting for me.